As someone who's in school full time, along with a couple jobs, my life gets crazy at times. Actually, it would be safer to say that it gets calm sometimes, the rest of the time is pure craziness. So the other day, I was finishing up a paper, and printed it out. I immediately reached for my stapler and it wasn't there. I looked, dumbfounded, at the spot where it should have been. As if staring hard enough would make it appear. I had no clue where it could be though. After a quick sweep of the den area, I realized it wasn't in the room. After some more searching, I finally gave up. I was thinking to myself that I must have picked it up and left it somewhere else at some point during the week. After all, when you're a mom, stuff ends up in the strangest places. I've found my keys in the freezer before.
Sometime later, I was helping my daughter with a craft activity. She asked me to pull out another a glue bottle, and I happily obliged. When I reached for the glue bottle in the craft box, my hand brushed up against something cold and hard. I grabbed it and pulled. Underneath all her craft supplies I fount it! My stapler. I wasn't crazy, I just had a little thief for a daughter. Upon closer inspection, I also found, hidden amongst the art supplies, my camera, an old wallet, some of my school supplies, and some of my mail. The little stinker had been pilfering my goods without me even knowing it.
Of course, I just had to ask her about this. I calmly showed her everything of mine that had been placed in the craft box. Her eyes said it all. They got momentarily large and then glazed back over to an indifference only practice could have accomplished. She then stated, just as calmly, that the dogs must have placed the items there to hide from the cats. She shook her head ruefully, as if we would never be able to truly understand the motives of our wayward dogs, and then went back to her art.
At times like this, it can be the hardest thing not to laugh at the ingenuity and craftiness of our children. While I'm thinking that she's getting creative with paper and glue, she's practicing the art of persuasion, and theft apparently. However adorable and creative, I knew this was a teaching moment not to be passed up. I quickly grabbed the glue from her fingers, hid it behind my back, and, when she stared open-mouthed at me, stated the dogs had taken it. She quickly retorted that she knew I had it and that I had lied. I asked her how she felt losing something of hers and being lied to about it, and behind those baby blues, I saw a little light turn on. She said that she was sad and wanted her glue back. I told her that I was sad and wanted my belongings back as well. I told her that it had made me sad that she took my things without asking, and it made me super sad that she had lied. I explained to her that if she wanted to borrow something of mine, all she need do is ask.
She seemed to understand, but honestly, how much of what we say really gets through to an almost three-year-old? I have to assume that they understand a good deal if mine can pull off a stunt like she did. That's why I encourage parents to talk to their children in a more grown-up way. Baby talk is fine in moderation. But most parents really underestimate how much their child is taking in and processing. This is the best age for parents to teach values and manners and to enforce them. Your children are more than capable, so don't hold back. If an opportunity presents itself, take advantage of it!
Remember, God loves you and gives us the ultimate parenting manual, pick one up sometime! Feel free to click on my picture for access to my e-mail if you'd like to ask me a question or shoot me a comment. Happy parenting!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Get Outta My Way!
I recently took my daughter to the aquarium. We went to the Aquarium of the Pacific, which, if you know it, is quite large and has lots of great things to offer children. My mother went with us and I won't hesitate in telling you that having her there is a God send in terms of helping keep an energetic two-year-old in check (she is also a great photographer!) The day started off well enough. We got there shortly after it opened, so that meant it wasn't too crowded yet. My daughter was excited to be there which translated into her practically bouncing off the walls. She ran from one tank of fish to the next.
The only tank that held her attention for more than a couple minutes was the dolphin tank. It wasn't that she wasn't interested, I just think she was on overload and the long car drive to the aquarium resulted in some pent-up energy. We let her do some running, feed the birds, pet some of the fish, and generally take charge of the directions we went and enclosures we stopped to see. She was really having a great time. My mother and I were also having a great time basking in her happiness.
However, as with all good things, they must come to an end. As my daughter moved up to one of the smaller tanks holding tiny 'sea snakes', she realized that the two people squatting in front of the tank hindered her view to the point that she couldn't see what all the fuss was about. In her eagerness, and I suppose a bit of self importance, she stated simply to the couple "Get outta my way, move!" The couple looked shocked at first. I couldn't move in temporary horror. My mother smirked and turned away coughing in a way that sounded conspicuously like a laugh. I started profusely apologizing to the couple who graciously stood up, smiled at my daughter, stated that she was adorable, and walked on to the next tank enclosure. My daughter looked at me, smiled, said "Be nice!", and then started examining her sea snakes. My belief is that she knew there was a reprimand or redirect coming her way and she just didn't want to put up with one of those when the tiny sea snakes were awaiting her regard.
I never proclaim myself to be prolific when it comes to punishing or redirecting my daughter. Luckily, my education in childhood and adolescent development was there to back me up, and kicked in at the right time. After the initial shock, I walked up to my daughter and told her that she needed to apologize to the couple because she had acted rudely towards them. She did this nicely enough. I then asked her if she would it if another child came up and said 'Get out of my way' and then pushed her out of the way. She said she wouldn't and that she would be sad. She said she was sorry to me and hugged me. My heart felt light, as it always does when my daughter takes a developmental step in the direction towards becoming a loving, kind, sympathetic human being. To think more clearly on it, I think I feel light every time my daughter hugs me, kisses me, or says I love you. She's my heart.
I can think of several ways that this situation could have been worse. It was embarrassing enough that it happened in the first place. I always wonder what people think of me when my daughter has a 'manners slip' as I call them. Do they think I'm a bad parent. Do they think my daughter is a bad child? Are they understanding about what it's like having young children and the things they do? I hope most people fall into the third category, and the rest, well I just don't worry myself with what the rest of the people think. I think that's the big key in all of this. Arm yourself with God, knowledge, and love when it comes to raising your children, don't worry about the skeptics and nay-sayers, and take hold of every teaching experience God hands you. I was proud of the way I handled it, but realized later that there might have even been better ways to handle it. I try not to be too hard on myself as a parent though, so I will leave my musings at that.
Have you ever had similar experiences? The ones that momentarily horrify you, leaving you with more than one choice of how best to handle it? I'm sure you all have. I'm sure you have pearls of wisdom to depart of me. If, however, you ever feel stumped, I would tell you to stop. Take three large breaths, and try to focus on the bigger picture. What was the harm? What lessons are you able to teach your child right now? It's all about focusing on the bigger picture on not getting caught up in the moment or the emotions that have surfaced. The last thing children need to see in regards to these situations, is adults making decisions based on split second emotions and what they think on-lookers would want them to do. Stay true to your children, do everything for their benefit.
As always, if you need anything, don't hesitate to click on my profile and e-mail me. I love hearing from you all! God Bless.
The only tank that held her attention for more than a couple minutes was the dolphin tank. It wasn't that she wasn't interested, I just think she was on overload and the long car drive to the aquarium resulted in some pent-up energy. We let her do some running, feed the birds, pet some of the fish, and generally take charge of the directions we went and enclosures we stopped to see. She was really having a great time. My mother and I were also having a great time basking in her happiness.
However, as with all good things, they must come to an end. As my daughter moved up to one of the smaller tanks holding tiny 'sea snakes', she realized that the two people squatting in front of the tank hindered her view to the point that she couldn't see what all the fuss was about. In her eagerness, and I suppose a bit of self importance, she stated simply to the couple "Get outta my way, move!" The couple looked shocked at first. I couldn't move in temporary horror. My mother smirked and turned away coughing in a way that sounded conspicuously like a laugh. I started profusely apologizing to the couple who graciously stood up, smiled at my daughter, stated that she was adorable, and walked on to the next tank enclosure. My daughter looked at me, smiled, said "Be nice!", and then started examining her sea snakes. My belief is that she knew there was a reprimand or redirect coming her way and she just didn't want to put up with one of those when the tiny sea snakes were awaiting her regard.
I never proclaim myself to be prolific when it comes to punishing or redirecting my daughter. Luckily, my education in childhood and adolescent development was there to back me up, and kicked in at the right time. After the initial shock, I walked up to my daughter and told her that she needed to apologize to the couple because she had acted rudely towards them. She did this nicely enough. I then asked her if she would it if another child came up and said 'Get out of my way' and then pushed her out of the way. She said she wouldn't and that she would be sad. She said she was sorry to me and hugged me. My heart felt light, as it always does when my daughter takes a developmental step in the direction towards becoming a loving, kind, sympathetic human being. To think more clearly on it, I think I feel light every time my daughter hugs me, kisses me, or says I love you. She's my heart.
I can think of several ways that this situation could have been worse. It was embarrassing enough that it happened in the first place. I always wonder what people think of me when my daughter has a 'manners slip' as I call them. Do they think I'm a bad parent. Do they think my daughter is a bad child? Are they understanding about what it's like having young children and the things they do? I hope most people fall into the third category, and the rest, well I just don't worry myself with what the rest of the people think. I think that's the big key in all of this. Arm yourself with God, knowledge, and love when it comes to raising your children, don't worry about the skeptics and nay-sayers, and take hold of every teaching experience God hands you. I was proud of the way I handled it, but realized later that there might have even been better ways to handle it. I try not to be too hard on myself as a parent though, so I will leave my musings at that.
Have you ever had similar experiences? The ones that momentarily horrify you, leaving you with more than one choice of how best to handle it? I'm sure you all have. I'm sure you have pearls of wisdom to depart of me. If, however, you ever feel stumped, I would tell you to stop. Take three large breaths, and try to focus on the bigger picture. What was the harm? What lessons are you able to teach your child right now? It's all about focusing on the bigger picture on not getting caught up in the moment or the emotions that have surfaced. The last thing children need to see in regards to these situations, is adults making decisions based on split second emotions and what they think on-lookers would want them to do. Stay true to your children, do everything for their benefit.
As always, if you need anything, don't hesitate to click on my profile and e-mail me. I love hearing from you all! God Bless.
Monday, January 2, 2012
The Hard Part
Today is Monday, so happy Monday to all of you who enjoy this day. I cannot seem to find much enjoyment in this day though. Monday is the day I have to give my daughter to her father and not see her for two days. Monday is the day my heart breaks a little bit. I love my daughter to pieces and I know that she needs a loving father in her life, she deserves that, but it doesn't mean that it's not going to hurt every time I have to see her go. She's my baby, I will never enjoy seeing her taken away. Knowing that I won't be there to hold her when she's hurt or scared, to laugh with her at silly things, to teach her during those special moments when their minds are filled with awe. It's only two days a week, I'm pretty lucky (at this point). However, knowing that more time will be taken away from me as time goes on also weighs heavily on my heart. It's one of the reasons I'm still single.
How can I trust a guy to become a part of my family, to expand it with me in terms of having more children, and to stay...? I won't go through more court cases, custody hearings, blame games, and hurt, only to lose another child this way. It was hard enough the first time. I'm sure there are many of you mothers out there who feel the same way. It's hard to let go of the worries, the hurt, the cautiousness. I'd certainly like to, but I believe it takes baby steps. I think the important part is learning to heal yourself before you throw yourself into another relationship which will then be doomed to fail.
I ask God when I'm feeling blue about not seeing my daughter to help me learn what I need to in order to become a better person. I want to learn from these experiences and not be bitter. One helpful thing I've learned is that it doesn't hurt so bad (missing your child) if you find yourself busy and productive. I will set aside a movie I've really been wanting to see just for the day she leaves. I will set up dates with all my friends. I attack my "to-do" list on the days she's gone. Grocery shopping and laundry get done. I try to get most of my jobs done, work most of my hours then, and keep my mind active. I will still think of her throughout my day, but it won't hurt as much. I try to focus on how grateful I should be that I have time alone to get all this stuff done. I think of how hard it would be to get the stuff done if my daughter was there with me.
One of the hardest things for me during first becoming a single mom was that I knew no one in the same position as me. I know how utterly lonely that can make things for you. If you find yourself in this position, please write me. I'm sure there are groups or other women in the same position as you out there just as lonely, wanting another woman in their position to talk with about everything.
Remember ladies that you are loved, all the time, no matter what. There is always a solution to the problem you face. If you have a story, comment, need advice, or anything else, please e-mail me or drop a comment here with your e-mail and I will get back to you!
How can I trust a guy to become a part of my family, to expand it with me in terms of having more children, and to stay...? I won't go through more court cases, custody hearings, blame games, and hurt, only to lose another child this way. It was hard enough the first time. I'm sure there are many of you mothers out there who feel the same way. It's hard to let go of the worries, the hurt, the cautiousness. I'd certainly like to, but I believe it takes baby steps. I think the important part is learning to heal yourself before you throw yourself into another relationship which will then be doomed to fail.
I ask God when I'm feeling blue about not seeing my daughter to help me learn what I need to in order to become a better person. I want to learn from these experiences and not be bitter. One helpful thing I've learned is that it doesn't hurt so bad (missing your child) if you find yourself busy and productive. I will set aside a movie I've really been wanting to see just for the day she leaves. I will set up dates with all my friends. I attack my "to-do" list on the days she's gone. Grocery shopping and laundry get done. I try to get most of my jobs done, work most of my hours then, and keep my mind active. I will still think of her throughout my day, but it won't hurt as much. I try to focus on how grateful I should be that I have time alone to get all this stuff done. I think of how hard it would be to get the stuff done if my daughter was there with me.
One of the hardest things for me during first becoming a single mom was that I knew no one in the same position as me. I know how utterly lonely that can make things for you. If you find yourself in this position, please write me. I'm sure there are groups or other women in the same position as you out there just as lonely, wanting another woman in their position to talk with about everything.
Remember ladies that you are loved, all the time, no matter what. There is always a solution to the problem you face. If you have a story, comment, need advice, or anything else, please e-mail me or drop a comment here with your e-mail and I will get back to you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)